“From the Stress- Out to the Make- Out”
1.     Open Communication and Open Mind: “It is a myth that great sex comes from great techniques, great sex comes from partners that are open and willing to try new things, communicate openly and honestly and keep the fun aspect in the mix” Foreplay starts in the morning , women respond best to pre-heating, the morning is a perfect time to set a sexy tone for the day.

2.    The Right Equipment for the Job: “ Studies indicate that 76% of women need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm, the right toy can keep the clitoris stimulated during intercourse and can often times provide an opportunity for the woman to have simultaneous orgasms with her man” “ Relax and enjoy it, it isn’t rocket science ! “  “ Adding fun stimulating accessories to intimacy opens up new way of enjoying one another”

3.    It’s the Little Things that Count: “Finding creative ways to reconnect with your partner doesn’t mean elaborate it means thoughtful”  “ Try a date night without spending the money , maybe a  bottle of wine on the front lawn to watch the stars and talk.” “Leaving little reminders where you partner is certain to find them like notes or tokens that remind him\her of the two of you. Connecting with your partner like you did in the beginning is the goal”

4.    Talk, Talk, Talk ! : The sexiest muscle in the body is the tongue, Pat suggests that while it is useful for many things in committed relationships, open honest communication – small talk – fun talk, sexy talk, funny talk, all add up to two people that enjoy spending time together.  Talking about what you each enjoy most about sex with the other, or what you really enjoy during intimacy is key to long lasting healthy relationships.

5.    The Big 5: Sound, Sight, Smell, Touch, and Taste.   Pleasure always begins with heightened  senses whether it be a wonderful meal or a wonderful night of sex with your lover.  “Bring as many of these as possible into the bedroom” Vibrant , awakened senses are not only relaxing but  bring sensuality to the forefront.

6.    Discover and Nurture the Sexy YOU! : “ Being sexy has everything to do with how you feel and think, not how you look” “ We love our partner’s to act confident in the bedroom, that is a sexual go button for both men and women”  “ Feeling sexy starts with pampering yourself and learning what turns you on first, a confident lover that can show their partner around their  body is a total turn on “

Daylle’s soft spoken frank approach to sexual intimacy is refreshing, down to earth and for our purposes perfect for My6Secrets.com.
1.    Connect – Connecting with your partner is so very important.  “Men often complain that their woman requires so much attention when in fact what a woman is truly seeking is a connection with her lover/ partner” “Feeling connected outside of the bedroom builds trust and intimacy in the bedroom.”   Daylle suggests that partners take a few moments daily to lightly touch, make eye contact, emotionally connect when sex is not the immediate outcome. “women often feel that the only time their men feel the need or desire to connect is in the bedroom, what they must understand is that connecting outside the bedroom will make intimacy a much better experience for both partners”

2.    Show Appreciation – “Let your partner know that you appreciate them, men love to be complimented too!”  “It is often difficult for men to express that they need to be complimented, women elicit compliments much more easily.” “Men have insecurities about how well endowed they are or if their woman finds them sexy, women likewise need to feel sexy to act sexy” “Simply put, the better you feel about yourself, the more open you will be to enjoy and express yourself during sex..”

3.    Anticipation – “Creating a feeling of anticipation goes a long way in the development of a strong healthy sex life” The idea here is to create a build-up to sex, “ send an email, leave a post-it-note hinting to a weekend of romance. Provocative looks or subtle touches at times when sex is not an option leaving your partner anticipating a very special experience as soon as the opportunity presents itself”

4.    Be Verbal – Expressing your feelings during sex tells your partner that what  they are doing pleases you.  “ Men tend to be in the moment during sex while women are not, a woman may feel insecurity about performing certain things such as fellatio, encouraging comments from her partner will put her at ease and let her know that what she is doing is working for him“  “The more verbal you are during intimacy the more confident your partner will be,  it is much like the adrenaline rush that an athlete feels when being cheered on during competition – being open and verbal will drive your partner to want to please you more “

5.    Personalize – The magic word is YOU! “ YOU make me feel so good or YOU do that so well makes it about the person and not the act. “ Using the word you before these types of sentences says to your partner I like this because YOU are doing it”

6.    Clit Radar – For a majority of women the clit is the focal point for orgasm. “ It is always good to stimulate the clitoris during foreplay as well as intercourse – both partners should

1.    Supercharge your Interest and Arousal: Breathing together and eye gazing – People spend little time looking at their partner and feeling tender towards them.  It is a difficult exercise at first, look into one another’s eyes, not speaking but showing your feelings through your eyes as you breathe in unison.  Breathing deep from the belly.  This exercise builds and strengthens the feeling of connection and safety with your partner. “ Women especially cannot surrender to pleasure unless they feel safe”.

2.    Auditory Expression in the Bedroom: Women have dialog going on in their heads during intimacy.  It is important to keep her in the present and focused on the experience rather than what she is thinking.  A man should lead his partner on a verbal journey.  Tell her what he is experiencing and what he is finding pleasurable.  He will have a much more willing and excitable partner.
3.    Make your Man a Success in the Bedroom: When a woman participates in the experience, audibly or through body language it gives him a guide on how to please you.  “ lead him on the journey of success “ When she participates it keeps her in the present and keeps him on the track that she needs him on.  Men need to feel trusted to fully enjoy intimacy.

4.    Be Vulnerable and Brave : Ask for what you need! Tension stifles energy.  Communicating out-loud during intimacy is imperative.  There should be many types of sounds and gestures so that both partners understand what is working and what isn’t.  Love talk during sex is stimulating and pleasurable for both.

5.    Tantra Sexual Techniques: Men can learn to have multiple orgasms , women can learn how to have free flowing orgasms rather than tension release organsms.  Learn to expand your capacity for pleasure and  explore your ability to open yourself more and more to pleasure in intimacy.

6.    Don’t Wait for the Mood: “Fake it ‘til  you make it  works!”  Make a commitment to make love every day for 30 days. Schedule time for it, touch often when you are together, flirt, be playful.  “The more you make love the better it gets, use it or lose it is true “ Keep the sexual arousal flowing at all times”.

1.    Pay Attention to Your Partner. Watch your partner and be responsive to their reactions. When you hit a spot that delivers a positive reaction, stay with it.

2.    Basic Life Concepts – Changes Keep up !!! – relationships change as life changes it is important to keep up with the changes in your relationship just as you do those individual to you. Ask yourself these questions; What do you need?, what’s important to you?, what are your responsibilities? and what are your limitations? As life changes, revisit these questions as your answers will certainly change over time. Once you answer these questions for yourself, cross reference them with your partner, and re-evaluate as new life changes occur.

3.    Principals Xs 5 –Work with your partner to find at least 5 principles that you both agree on, your principals should line up with your Basic Life Concepts and should be re-evaluated as life changes occur.  Make sure that they still maintain their original value in light of  normal ongoing relationship changes

4.    Responsibilities always come Before YOU! – Being in a relationship brings responsibilities to the other person.  Successful relationships consist of couples that cheerfully put the other one first.

5.    Be Sensitive to your Partner’s Needs Before the bedroom – Sensitivity and responsiveness to the needs of your partner in day to day matters will pay off in the bedroom.

6.    Element of surprise – It’s BIG! The best way to surprise someone is to take note of the little things, the things that others often don’t pick up on.  Surprising your partner by letting them know that you noticed and thus reacted is huge and will always get positive results.  People love for others to notice the things about them most often times over- looked by the general group.

PC Muscle exercises:
There are two styles of PC muscle exercises, i) just contracting the muscle and ii) using a weight to increase the resistance.  These exercises can be done privately and effectively while driving, reading or watching TV.  Some women practice them at stop lights so they remember to do them on a daily basis. FYI  – Some women are able to bring on and initiate an orgasm by clenching their PC muscles when being stimulated.

Step 1:  Make sure you are contracting the correct muscle.  This is the muscle you contract to stop the flow of urine.  Sometimes women contract the abdominal muscles and although you may get a firmer tummy it wont help your PC muscle.

Step 2: Test your own PC muscle strength. The PC muscle is in the first – 3/4 inch of the vaginal entry.   As you would when inserting a compact tampon, insert one or two fingers into your vagina and tighten around them.  If it feels like a thin line you may need to do some work.

Step 3: Do the PC muscle contractions in sets and vary the type of contraction.  EG) Tighten and hold for a count of 5 seconds and then release to the count of 5.  Repeat 10 times.  Remember this is small muscle so it may fatigue quickly.  Option B: Do flutter contractions tighten and release every second for a 15 second span. Repeat 2 times.

Option B:
Use a Vaginal Weightlifting Egg to add resistance while practicing these exercises.  Onyx shaped like an egg is inserted like a tampon with a non-porus string attached to facilitate removing.   (www.loupaget.com) The use of a stone egg to strengthen the vagina is a practice which evolved in ancient China. These Vaginal Weight Lifting exercises were implemented for improving health, both physically and spiritually, since these exercises provide more power for the P.C. (Pubococcygeus) muscle to lift the sexual energy inward and upward where it will be transformed into higher spiritual energy.

If you want to improve your own orgasmic sensation, then consider working out one small muscle that studies show has direct correlation to the intensity and sensation of orgasms for women and men. The PC, AKA pubococcygeus, muscle that runs from the front to the back of each sexs pelvic girdle is responsible for the muscular contractions felt in your genitals during orgasm, and like any muscle, the better shape its in the better its contracting performance.  Also called Kegel exercises.

PC Muscle exercises:

There are two styles of PC muscle exercises, i) just contracting the muscle and ii) using a weight to increase the resistance.  These exercises can be done privately and effectively while driving, reading or watching TV.  Some people practice them at stop lights so they remember to do them on a daily basis.

Step 1: This is the muscle you use to stop the flow of urine and that is contracted to make an erect penis jump. You do not have to have an erection to do these exercises but it may help you at first to connect the tightening sensation with the physical response.

Step 2: Create your own exercise program.  Varying the intensity and style of contractions as in the womens program.

Option B:

Use a dry or wet washcloth draped over your erection while in the shower or not and increase the resistance.  References to large wet beach towel are likely thought at this point.

The best ways to try to create them are in my book The Big O in Orgasms 2.0.1 I list the 10 different orgasms women experience.

In all I list below ONLY that area is being stimulated, not that area and the genitals as well.  Translation that area alone is responsible for creating orgasmic response that will be felt in the genital areas as the rhythmic clenching, pulsations and intra-abdominal sensations. The only exception being the blended orgasm.

1) Lips Mouth.  Usually as a result of extended kissing make out sessions.  Happens more often when couples can not risk pregnancy as intercourse is simply not an option.

2) Breast Nipple. Again only the breast or nipple tissue is being stimulated, sucked on, or caressed.

3) Clitoris this is pudendal nerve system being stimulated and the orgasms sensation is described as feeling like a pulling up and into oneself.

4) Urethra.  This makes sense when you understand the anatomy of a womans genitals.  The urethra is directly below the clitoris and directly above the introitus, entry into the vagina.  And due to the mainly unknown size of the clitoris that it is 10-15 times larger than most people realize the urethra is surrounded on 3 sides by the clitoris. Best stimulated when woman on top as she controls the pressure on the urethra and during oral sex when a partner uses pressure on it with their lower lip during stroking.

5) G spot AFE Zone (Anterior Fornix Erotic Zone) this is pelvic hypogastric nerve system being stimulated and this orgasm is described as more of an all over body feel with a bearing down sensation.  The G spot requires more firm stimulation while the AFE is best with a lighter touch.  Both are located in the upper/belly button side of the vaginal vault.

6) Cervix hypogastric and vagus nerves systems are involved and this is another firm form of stimulation either with fingers, penis or toy.

7) Anal more commonly a part of sexual play in other countries outside of the  North America. The erotic pleasure nature of the anus is discovered by many women when intercourse is not an option either because of health issues, cultural issues (maintaining virginity prior to marriage) or to avoid pregnancy.

Zone stimulation of an area not typically associated with being erotic. Eg) Stroking the inner thigh creates an orgasm.

9) Fantasy the ability to think yourself to orgasm.  Rare while awake yet its not as far fetched as you might think.  Many women have experienced orgasms while sleeping/dreaming.

10 ) Blended orgasms.  Anytime two or more areas are stimulated at the same time. Eg) clitoris and anus or breast.

The best ways to try to create them are in my book The Big O in Orgasms 2.0.2 I list the 8 men experience.

As described for womens orgasms the male types are defined by only that area being stimulated resulting in orgasmic sensation.  Please know that many men will not experience these types and for those who do I wanted to validate that Yes indeed that really was an orgasm not your imagination.

1) Lips Mouth.  Usually as a result of extended kissing make out sessions.  Happens more when couples can not risk pregnancy so intercourse is simply not an intimate option.

2) Breast Nipple. Again only the breast or nipple tissue is being stimulated, sucked on, caressed.

3) Penis. Akin to a womans clitoris this is pudendal nerve being stimulated.

4) Prostate.  Also referred to as the male G spot and is a mans pelvic hypogastric nerve system being stimulated.  The reason this can be such a powerful orgasm is the nerves on the lateral sides of the prostate are the nerves that are responsible for mens erections.   So when the prostate is stimulated either externally via pressure on the perineal area or internally directly via a finger, penis or toy through the anus men have described this as creating an off the charts erection.

5) Anal more commonly a part of sexual play in other countries outside of the  North America. A highly erogenous zone for both sexes when one is comfortable with this type of play.

6) Zone stimulation of an area not typically associated with being erotic. Eg) The lone action of stroking the lower back creates an orgasm.

7) Fantasy the ability to think yourself to orgasm.  The majority of men have experienced wet dreams while sleeping and this is the awake version.  FYI wet dreams are Mother Natures way of keeping your sperm supply healthy and renewed. If a man hasnt ejaculated in an extended period of time his body AKA Mother Nature may cause him to ejaculate involuntarily while sleeping to move older less viable sperm out of his system.

8 ) Blended orgasms.  Anytime two or more areas are stimulated at the same time. Eg) penis and anus or nipple.

Have a conversation outside the bedroom, or preferred place, while you are vertical not horizontal about what you might like to, are dying to try with your  partner.  Why? Because this allows you to bring up what may be a sensitive subject without the pressure to have to try something. It also lets your most  powerful sex organ, your brain get involved.  Creativity knows no bounds.

When you are guiding in the act, use one word rather than a sentence to guide.  Why? One word, softer  is heard as direction, while a sentence, Oh I want it to be softer. is often heard as judgment.  Talk about the one word suggestions during your out of the bedroom talk so your partner knows exactly what that one word is telling them.  Here are some suggestions: slow, up, yes, softer, you get the picture.

For the verbally shy sometimes the best feedback is a change of breathing or a sound (unless you really do the moaning stay in your body and out of the film scenario) that indicates theyve hit the right place or used your preferred stroke/touch.Think of this as road map to pleasure.  So a new, clearer, non-judgmental style of communication will do more for your sexual experience and connection than just about anything. And a willing partner will be motivated and uniquely wired to experience each sensation you create!